You Don't Love Me Anymore
by mileouttahell
Summary: Humor with just a touch of romance. Relena just doesn't get it....(yaoi warning)


Webpage: http://www.geocities.com/aleeaw/yaoistuff

~~We've been together for so long

But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?

Seems you don't want me around

The passion is gone and the flame's died down~~

Relena sat. And Relena pouted. Maybe she was imagining things, but it seemed like Heero wanted to kill her lately! But her

Hee-chan couldn't want to kill her, could he? She finally decided that she was imagining things, and that the fact that Heero was

often found pointing a gun at her did _not_ mean he wanted to kill her.

"Heee~ro!" she cried, running off to find her "koi".

~~I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem

That time that you made it with the whole Gundam team[1]~~

Relena walked into Heero's room, then quickly backed out again, blushing and _very_ embarrased. OK, so maybe Heero

_did_ want to sleep with Wufei, Duo, Quatre and Trowa. At once. That was all right. She could deal with that. "I'll just make

him dinner!" she proclaimed happily.

"Great, it didn't work," Heero grumbled.

"No, it didn't," Wufei agreed. "Now get off of me, Yuy, Duo and I have places to be!"

"As do I," Quatre said softly, slipping out of the room.

"Well, koi, she's hard to shake," Trowa said softly.

"..."

~~You used to think I was nice

Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist~~

"Heero, why are you telling the other Gundam pilots I'm a Telletubby?"

"Because you and Telletubbies are both spawn of hell," was the unblinking reply.

"You know, it's disconcerting when you do that," Relena complained.

"Do what?"

"Talk without blinking."

*Mental note: always talk without blinking.* "Aa."

"So why did you tell them that?"

"Because Trowa and I are in love, yet you keep trying to break us up."

"B-but...I thought you loved me~e!"

Heero just sighed and wandered off.

~~Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car?

That kind of thing is hard to ignore

Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore~~

Relena wandered in, all muddy and slightly scratched up, closely followed by Dorothy Catalonia.

Relena was muttering to herself "who would have done such a thing", and other such nonsense, but Dorothy stalked straight up

to Heero.

"What would you know about my car not working, Yuy?" she growled, grabbing the front of his shirt.

Heero held up a handbook labeled "1001 ways to kill annoying princesses", and in smaller subscript "(who shall remain

nameless)". He handed the book to Dorothy, who turned to the bookmarked page, labeled, "Do-it-yourself brake

disconnection".

"Yuy!" Dorothy yelled. "What would posses you to disconnect my brakes?!"

"I was trying to kill her," he said, jerking a thumb at Relena.

Dorothy quickly bent and whispered something in Heero's ear. 

Heero paused, before saying "Good luck."

~~I knew that we were having problems when

You put those piranhas in my bathtub again~~

Heero sighed as he flipped through his "1001 Ways To Kill Annoying Princesses" book again. *Hmmmm...piranahs in her

tub....the idea's got class...*

"Eeeeeeek!" came a shriek a week later. "Someone put piranhas in my tub again!!!!"

"That would have been Heero," Duo affirmed, rubbing his temples.

"Oh, no," Relena said. "Heero would never put those nasty things in my bathtub."

Duo just groaned.

~~You're still the light of my life

Oh darling, I'm begging

Won't you put down that knife?~~

"Uh-oh...." Duo said, grabbing Wufei and ducking out of the way as Relena came barreling through with Heero hard on her

heels, and Trowa hard on _his_ heels.

"Heero," Relena said, "Can't we solve this peacefully? Baby, please put down that knife!"

"Heero, don't _kill_ her," Trowa said, to Heero. "I mean, you can scare her a little, but don't you think going for her with the

knife is a little extreme?"

Heero ignored him. Trowa stopped with a sigh, and pointed to the latest chapter of Heero's "bible" (aka 1001 Ways to Kill

Annoying Princesses).

"You could just try the direct approach..."

"Oh, jeez," Duo sighed.

~~You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way

You poison my coffee just a little each day~~

"Pagan, this coffee tastes weird," Relena complained after the first sip.

Pagan sniffed at it, and then dumped it into the bathtub, where the piranhas were still swimming around. Apparently Relena

didn't believe in killing them. It would be against the beliefs of total pacifism.

Within minutes, the hapless fish were dead.

"Someone poisened it," Pagan said, and then, with a highly sarcastic tone, "I wonder who?"

"I don't know," Relena said.

"Onna," Wufei said, coming into the room, "It was Yuy. As Duo would say, 'duh.'"

"Oh! He's trying to help me built up my immunity to poison! How cute!"

Outside, in the hallway, Heero began to repeatedly smack his head against the wall.

~~I still remember the way that you laughed

When you pushed me down the elevator shaft~~

Heero ran up behind Relena and pushed her into the dumbwaiter shaft, then beginning his Yuy-maniacal-laughter (TM).

"Nice try, koi, but we're on the first floor," Trowa informed him.

Heero began banging his head on the wall again.

~~Oh, if you don't mind me asking,

What's this poisonous cobra

Doing in my underwear drawer?

Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me anymore~~

"Heero," Relena said, entering the kitchen carrying a huge snake. "Why is there a cobra in my underwear drawer? I mean, it's

nice of you to get me a pet, but...aren't cobras poisonous?"

Heero grabbed the board he had sitting on the table and smacked his head a few times before ripping the "Dangerous animals"

chapter out of 1001 Ways to Kill Annoying Princesses.

~~You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill

Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will

You set my house on fire

You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers~~

Heero grabbed Relena's face and slammed it down on the barbecue grill where she was cooking.

"Heero!" Relena scolded, her face a mess of red lines. "Watch where you stick your elbows!"

Heero grabbed his always-handy board and gave his head a good smack.

~~Oh, you think I'm ugly and you say I'm cheap You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep You drilled a hole in my

head Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead~~ "Heero!" Relena said, coming into the palace all covered

with mud. "Why did you throw me into the drainage ditch??? If I didn't know better, I'd think you didn't love me anymore!"

"I don't," Heero replied in a monotone.

Relena apparently didn't hear him, because she continued on. "And why'd you shave off my eyebrows while I was sleeping?

That wasn't nice! Not to mention trying to drill holes in my head...blah blah blah..." Heero put earplugs in before smacking

himself with the board.

~~Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all

You never acted this way before

Honey, something tells me you don't love me anymore~~

"You know, the only way we'll get rid of her is if we move to L5," Trowa said.

"With her sources?" Heero replied.

"OK, if we dress in drag and move to L5."

"I like it."

"Pagan, Heero said he was moving to Bermuda. Does that mean he doesn't love me? If he loved me, he wouldn't be moving to

Bermuda."

Around the corner, Wufei and Duo smacked their heads simultaneously against the wall, before chorusing, "Duuuuh..."

~~Oh no no

Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore~~

[1] Originally read "hockey team". 


End file.
